Sunday, July 30, 2006

my place

its the left side haha. my right though.

I didn't know that my right side was longer.

sounds wrong, haha but nevermind.


couldn't find the bloody book at the 60million plus plus NATIONAL LIBRARY... damn the librarians that were not willing to help... had to settle on something not quite relevant...

but had a great time, the view was very decent.


got my shuffle cover, a bit gay la, but i like orange! haha.


I didn't know the atmosphere could change with this slight gesture. (=

Thursday, July 27, 2006

the prize

yea, after some sort of hardwork, i managed to pass NAPFA today =) with a bronze. Nothing much indeed but i just want to pass it so my afternoon PE lessons won't be such of a torture to cause blisters and all on my hands.. hehe. However the results were kind of worse for the other stations, haha cause i didn't want to exert so much anyways only can do 2 pull-ups. I could do 4 the other day after soccer training, but i didn't know why I couldn't manage it today.. But at least i've got an award, a pass with 17 years of age. haha.


Today, had my probably last few Biology lessons and learnt a new concept, not new actually i knew it, but it just came at the right time to remind me of something. oh ya, I haven't mentioned about what it is. Its oxygen, to simplify it by say 5 times, it goes like this, we need oxygen to breathe and survive, but in fact we die because of oxygen, we age because of oxygen.. yea.. think about it..


oh ya, JJ seriously stop gaying me, zhuang yong is going to piah you! sigh, why is my timetable so screwed..anyways anyways haha Vivacitors home kit out soon! lol. anyways actually there is still something i would want to mention, but somehow i can't remember it..

Monday, July 24, 2006

PAWNS

My Racket pawns



My sports bag pawns



I pawns.



Weeseng pawns a bit =P



yea. going mad. I feel the most for you.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Fool

I think i've been acting alike a fool for too long and kind of changed me.


Of course this would be a more enjoyable version. But i'm very tired of it.


Too many assumptions have been made and certainly my life isn't made any easier by my CCAs and all. CCAs are supposed to let you have fun and enjoy yourselves, at the same time develop a sense of belonging to the college, but in reality it isn't espicially in sports team i guess.


You never know what are the criterias that they are looking out for and at times, you would make a mistake and be unaware of it and perhaps caused you a place.


And priorities are kind of mixing up now...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

the feeling

Out of the blue, i felt concerned, so concerned.


My friends, have you all seen me being so concerned about other peoples problems or issues?


This time i am, and i'm feeling it.


I hope its not too late.


I can't promise much, but i'll try.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Sick and Through

Yea, i thought i needed more sleep and didn't go to school today. The doctor takled to me about my sleeping habits, and i thought it made sense.

So..



Let's get back to business.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Questions and Answers

I don't know whats up with myself.

My mum has been saying that i looked glum yesterday when i first met her in her room after coming back home.

Today during training, Nizar(soccer captain) asked if i was ok, cause he said i look perturbed and was not playing well.

When I got home, my brother asked if i was ok, and i replied do i really look sad? He said a bit.

Give me the answer. Am i that weak in mental?

Monday, July 10, 2006

Baaassstaaard

I feel like a baaasstaarrrd.

I just felt so today, as i walked around the 'campus' with jing jiat.

Sat in the reading room and started to think of the 'should have'(s), i cannot even believe myself.

I'm a bastard.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Does it really matter

Yeah, my mother has no qualms to me getting a new racket!!! So bloody shocking.

Sometimes, its just about one asking for the favour i guess. I wanted to get a new racket since 3months ago, only until now, did i have the courage to ask. Maybe you may wonder, where is the courage needed? But for me, it is. I hate to ask for favours, or rather i dislike being in the position of the weak. So much for being a man right? Yes i do wonder sometimes would i be better of being a woman, then i will not do sports and get myself so tan and all. Ok, yes that's 'how far' i've thought of being a woman, i still like being a man, or a guy. If only i could do what i think in my mind, or rather not hesitate when any idea strikes me.

It took me months to garner the strength to ask for the favour, at first i was just intending to ask for the permission, and pay myself for the bloody expensive tool for the sport. But, to confess, i have to many 'wants' and thus i just felt like using the money on other stuff, and have my mother to pay for it =p.

This is just so apt to our lives, everyday lives. Sometimes, there are certain wants that would like to possess or have, but we just lack the courage to undertake the risk, no matter how NOT significant the risk is. Or maybe sometimes, even when the risk have been minimised. Who knows, it might just be your lucky day and you get yourself something special.

Offers are not always there, just like if you have not saved before hand, you would have missed out big action from the Great Singapore Sale. Things change and people change, there isn't any 'right time' or 'right moment' where suddenly everthing would work as you dream in your sleep. It's about realising and appreciating your own efforts, when you think you have had enough bargaining power or when others have acknowledge your progress, go for it. It might just past by and you lose a wonderful or maybe eventful experience.

Even if it didn't work out your way, at least you've tried and you wouldn't perhaps regret in the future and say 'I should have..' or 'It could have been..'

Point is, uncertainty is always there, its only a question about how well you are prepared to face it. And in certain things or cases, preparation isn't even needed, just make a statement and see the result, simple as that.

I've gained(saved) 200 over dollars for speaking up, what have you? So does it really matter if any party speaks up first?(In my case my mother offerring me a change of racket and me voicing it out first)

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Things

My school is killing me, i don't really know why, its eating me up, bit by bit, pieces by pieces, part by part.

Headache is killing me, its not the sleep, but the heat..

Something that i'm searching for has arrived, but i don't kknow if i should pick it up or let it stay there and go by, time is what i need..

But i've realised that i don't treasure time, so what am i asking for.

I would never know, neither will anyone know..

Something that i treasure for long seems to be losing its significance, should i keep it as it is or should i let it go.

Am i an individualist, or am i a team player? I don't know.

Should i devote time and start working for what i want, or should I allow the time to go by.

can you help me with it?

I'm having a strong dislike over something i've picked up over the last 6 months, but its strong, i don't think i can ever leave it where it was, it needs a blast.. Should i create it or let it take its course?

What have all this make up to?



I'm the one in control, no one can stop me if i want to.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

HIgh

OMFG I'M SERIOSUSLY DAMN HIGH NOW! HAHA.

NOW I KNOW WHY PEOPLE IN CLUBS GO AROUND KISSING OTHER PEOPLE FOR NO REASONS!! COS U JUST LOVE EVERYONE WHO LOVES YOU WHEN U ARE DAMN HIGH.

HAHA, I FEEL OXYGEN DEFICEINT NOW, AND I'M DIZZY AND I MAY TAKE SOME BOOZE TO TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL... HAHA

DONT ASK ME WHYY, I JUST FEEL SO, DUNNO WHTY, I CANT REALLY SEE CLEARLY BUT UI CAN STIKL TYPE YESA, I CAN STILL TYPE , WOOHOOO

THE FEELING IS DAMN GOOD, HAHHAHA


YOU ALL WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND!! COS U ALL JUST DONT GETIT

I LOVE EVERYONE WHO LOVES ME!!!

I CANT THINK, ITS GREAT FEELING!
I CAN ONLY FEEL NOW, HAHA I THINK SO, I SUPPSOE SO,,

YES, I'M ALRIGHTDS, I STILL CAN TAKE IT. I'M WATCHING WORLD CUP!

HAHA, I'M CRAZY AS YOU'VE SAID, HAHA, I THINK SO NOW... BUT I STILL CAN TYPE!!

YEA, HOPE YOU ALL CAN SEE ME IN SCHOOL ON FRISAY!!!!!! WOOHOOO

BOOZE! BRING IT ON! I LOVE YOU!!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

comeon please

Hey come on everyone, i'm straight.

Damn those irresponsible bloggers (jeffrey, lol), who published certain things on his blog ..

Its quite erhem..

please la, its in the spirit of gong jiao that we did that>.< , and if u like to take photos fine, but can you not publish, lol. We still have our lives to lead and this just a bit sickening la, please.

This post is terribly funny when you(jeffrey) are reading, but please, keep the photos for your own enjoyment.

haha, I can't stop laughing too..This post is really lame..

Ok, but the point is, i'm straight. LOL

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Ball and The Beast

I've bought the ball immediately today to start training, from the incident yesterday $22 bucks it was, the kind indian gave me 90cents discount, although he said no discount, haha, not much a difference though.

And Zhuang Yong talked to me online and i realised something, i was so bloody determined than ever before. More than any of the 'want' that previously exist in every part of me.

I was more determined than I want to do well for Os, if I ever was.
I was more determined than I want to work hard for maths(this is easy though =P).
I was more determined than I want to play well in tennis.
I was more determined than I was ever before.

He said the Beast in me is being set free.


Those words reverbenate ever so resoundingly in every single crevies of my head.
Unleashing the untammed beast from the deepest recesses of my inner peace like never before.
(obviously contributed by him, haha, his ever impressive vocabulary)


The chapters for The Ball and The Beast is beckoning me...


There is no turning back i guess, down with the sickness...

Sunday, July 02, 2006

expletives

And sorry for the expletives that i have used. I just have to use it, damn. That bitch.

Hard+Work

Today's SKILL TEST at soccer was a disaster. 0/3 for passes,
1/3 for shooting and more... what the fuck is this kinda result for a mid-field player like me. I was totally shocked with the passes... damn, 0/3 for a mid-field player. Although i didn't have a player standing behind the net like others did, it was still really f***ed up on my part.. The ball went just so awfully off the pole and top of the cone.. and i missed one totally. 10metres was the distance, where were my pin point passes when in game? Nervous? i don't really know.Screwed up it was. And worse off were headers and juggling. F****d up nervous and lack of practise.

What's up with me? I went better in the game where one shot was above the bar and made 2 assists. But one was just cause xinxiang was in place to head it in, nothing fantastic from me for the second assist. DAMN. I'm going to buy a ball and train with it EVERY NOW AND THEN.

I realised it was all down to practice. I have managed my accurate long balls with practice because i'm doing it all so often, now on with ball work. And i really feel insulted when another guy in the team made a fucked up comment when i was talking to Luvis over the phone for no. 7 of the new Vivacitors jersey.

Me: ey let me take 7 la .. ( lots of lines asking him to give me no.7)
Random: I think you don't take 7 la, later you get used to it and i take it away from you next year.

Fuck, do i need your bloody comment. Its not that you have the talent like Steiner does or you have the touch of Justin(vj), or you have the composure and skill like keefe( vj)... fucker, its just that your hardwork on control paid off for the training session. I'm going to train on my control which is juggling, as it is what people use as a gauge for ball control... Fuck i hate arrogant people who just show it as part of their personality, if you get what i mean. You can be arrogant and proud but please don't show it.

This are a list of synonyms i've got for what i felt at that moment.
affronted, annoyed, antagonized, bitter, chafed, choleric, convulsed, cross, displeased, enraged, exacerbated, exasperated, ferocious, fierce, fiery, fuming, furious, galled, hateful, heated, hot, huffy, ill-tempered, impassioned, incensed, indignant, inflamed, infuriated, irascible, irate, ireful, irritable, irritated, maddened, nettled, offended, outraged, passionate, piqued, provoked, raging, resentful, riled, sore, splenetic, storming, sulky, sullen, tumultuous, turbulent, uptight, vexed, wrathful.