Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Damn those losers.
Anyways, theres a good question to ponder here:
Would a person ever act for the benefit of others, or place others' priorities before his???
Please don't factor in community work, i'm talking about day-day business, good if you do community work everyday.
Yes, i'm doing lots of that. I think i should stop, and start focusing on my life.
What i've done so far, i would consider being more than considerate and nice and whatever word you can find.
Tell me if i'm wrong.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Oh how people scoffed about this.
Sixteen years of my life, or rather the last four years of my life, that was what i used to believe, albeit there were numerous occasions where this hypothesis failed me, or others whom i was lucky enough to know of.
Cease thinking of what happened. It just so happen to come to me in these few days.
I kept quiet for the last few days, to observe and draw inferences to the many things i see. Not that i have nothing to do, or i feel sad or what, it just came to me so.
The society is cut out to be so, and in a society that all of us live in, the education system justifiably mould us to be so. However, not everyone is given a fair chance to strive or maximise their potential in the current system.
Did meritocracy mean that I should understand my role as a less intelligent student, less deserving of air-conditioned classrooms and lounges, less likely to ever have a chance at succeeding at the top or serving my country as a politician. Or conversely, should the elites just understand their role as a smarter, richer individual who can afford to cruise through life and land feet first into a cushy job?
Efforts made to reform the system appear tokenistic because the mindset has not changed. If you want to be in the Integrated Programme and have a more vibrant, more colourful syllabus, you need to achieve a certain grade, have a good track record. If you want to have a government scholarship, you need to achieve 4 A's and 3 'S' Paper distinctions, there is no other way, i suppose.
Enough of this. Bottom line is that this society or rather the society that we live in has a unique system of judging who is fit for what. No way are we going to or able to make a change in this somewhat stratified system.
At the end of the day, you are the one who regrets, THE PEOPLE treat us like commodities. You ultimately decides your worth with the abiltity to do well in the specific methodology THEY employ to gauge one's potential or the opportunities that you are somehow able to grab. It is a business to them.
Somehow, this applies to friendship too. Not that i'm in doubt of any of you on my list of links or in my contact list. This is how it goes. "Spare a thought for others, and they will do the same for you" This is bullshit. You don't fight for yourself, no one will. Perhaps some kind soul would 'appear' in your life to help to succeed in whatever youare pursuing, but you must first take the first step.
Feel that you are blessed with the abilities that you possess? Yes you should, if you feel you have a talent for it. You are inherently superior to those who are well-tutored, or simply dilligent(you get what i mean).
So what i want to say essentially in this post is crudely speaking, scorn and be oblivion to those that are not important to you, or do not play a part in your life, don't waste your time on them, as you certainly have better things to do.
Point to note, feel appreciated when someone spare their time to talk to you or be with you, provided that it is on their own free will of course, is a mark of their love for you.
Just do it, if you feel like it, weigh it with the set of balance you have in your heart.
Repay the kindness of others, and choose what you do wisely. I still love my friends, those 'biatches' that i really call friends. =p
"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else"
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
|marvin cheung --|
'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com
haha, courtesy of kaiyang's blog. Its kind of random..haha, i got a different result when i tried the second time.
|In the event of a lottery win, marvin cheung should buy...|
|An iPod studded with diamonds|
|'What" should you buy if you win the lottery?' at QuizGalaxy.com|
Another random quiz. haha
Monday, May 22, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
i'm not a gay or what that i like to take photos, but eh i think its the only way to track your feelings and emotions at any point of time. isn't it?
going through the photos, i've realised that the best moments so far was the last day at VJ... haha, i don't know why, and probably nobody will know. At that time, all of us that were leaving know that we would be leaving, but we were still enjoying ourselves very much; seen from the photos.
and eh i kind of having many coincidences this week. I dunno if this is the way to go, nothing wrong with making friends i know, i would like to know more individuals too, and maybe we can see what we can develop from there. But the situation is awkward and all, i dunno how to put it in a few words, maybe only luvis can understand. And Jing jiat, thx for offering to treat me and pay for my meals and all, but i think you know that i won't take it... i mean nevermind. and you know that i'm 'nuah' .. don't take advantage of that please.. i understand what you are trying to do, and i don't reject the idea and all, but.... something is just missing.. somewhere somehow.
get well soon jion chun. jeffrey, take a good break. gedeon and shaun, go for it haha. bryan wong kaiyang relax(in different context though). Kenneth, continue to work hard. Luvis, perservere in what you believe in. Jing jiat, find something meaningful to you in life. Zhuangyong, carry on. King Chee, carry out whatever you have in mind. Axx, try to get back to where you once were.
sounds like a saint huh. i'm such a loser.
yea, i'm loving the snacks store in AJ, it saved me that day by selling me 3 panadols. Also, the cafe with all the wonderful puffs that made my day. haha.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Whatever it is, rushed home and took a shower, and rushed out to meet Foo and Kenneth. They were in town waiting for me for an hour an all. Really sorry, it wasn't intentional hahha, although its becoming a NORM that i'm late or what. Queued for 40mins for MI:3 tickets, to find that we have left with front row seats, so we decided to leave for bugis instead. Fuck.
Then we picked up specs for Kenneth as he wanted a makeover and all. So i felt that i can do my part by giving hi some comments and all, haha. Managed to get decent seats at Bugis. The movie didn't have much plot or what la, but the action was great and there was Maggie Q and all, so whatever it is.
Went to suntec next to join THE GROUP for dinner at pizza hut, and went to chill out after that. Usual things that we do, although once again, the bestest friends gang decided to leave out Jia De once more. muahahahah.
Oh and its late by then, and after talking session for maybe 2 hours, we decided to leave... and bye. And i woke up at this time in the morning to type this post.
Skimpy post, without real details and insights and all, haha, but nevermind, cos THE GROUP's outing is all the same and enjoyable, yea. Jion Chun cheer up k? And Jing Jiat stop daring me and all, it doesn't work. =p
Go shaunny. Thrash that wanglihom, lookalike. For Gong Jiao, for us. =D
bye. time for dental
Friday, May 05, 2006
haha. take a step back when you feel something has gone wrong in your life.
easy to say. hard to do.
think through. why have you done this or that.
try as hard as you can to convince yourself, justify your actions.
if you can't, it means that its a wrong step.
don't be lenient to yourself.
you are the only one that holds these truths.
Admit it. cry over it.
avoid these mistakes in the future.
easy to say. hard to do.
haha. you will make a similar mistake again, i guarantee.
Cos its all bullshit to say that you will never make the same mistake again.
once bitten twice shy--> you will only be shy twice. (Thats not what its suppose to mean, but i makes sense in this context)
whatever it is, try to avoid it.
but when you make a similar mistake, repeat the process.
That's how life works i guess.
Till the moment you never make mistakes.
Its time for you to leave this world...
I think i may get some prize for this. haha.
Monday, May 01, 2006
I would have to certainly admit, now after everything is all well over, Defence of The Ancients is certainly the thing that wrecked my life, knocked me off the path that was all set waiting for me. Perhaps that wasn't the life that was waiting for me. I must once again admit, that i lost my confidence at that point of time, as i once considered whether that was the life that i could lead, that was what i thought when i knew i couldn't make it. Sounds like a 'loser' huh? Thats what i am.
Games after every paper is certainly not the way to revitalise and prepare yourself for a paper the next day. It was a let down, certainly not a beautiful one. I failed many. My father, who never once reprimanded or inflicted physical pain on my palms through my 16 years of my life. My mother, who took on the responsibilty to look after me and my brother, despite the fact that she had just made her mark in her career at that point of time. My brother, who constantly reminded me of revising my work and not to follow in his footsteps. My teachers, that had placed their trust in me, to think that i would make it. Also my friend, who always thought that i would do well, and wished me well, although he knew that if i did well, distance would be the thing that separates us once again.
All i can say is --------' nothing'. I could not say sorry. Neither could I blame it on the school. This might be the case of the fellow gong jiaos in my year, to blame it on the school, but definitely not for me. I had the best teachers in the school. I had the strongest competition in the school, 4805 , if that is what you need to succeed.
All i can do, is to keep my head down and say i deserve it.
I couldn't be more ashamed by myself. Now as i sit before this 17" screen, reflecting on my life before and after the examinatiions, I feel really really ashamed of myself.
To be frank, 8-9 points was what i was aiming for, perhaps this seemed to be a feat to many before the examinations, but it certainly was below my personal standards. The question is why did I set that as my target? It was me being lethargic and lazy. Confidently thinking that A1/2 would be for my L1. A1 for Geography, A1 for combined humanities. A1 for normal chinese. And A1 for my chemistry and perhaps A2 for biology or physics.
As you might be wondering, where is maths??? I decided to leave it aside as i believed that i didnt need them, I sought for help under Darryl just because i didn't want to see a C on my certificate.
What kind of mentality is this???
What i got was a slip in a grade for every subject that i aimed for. What did it leave me with? Doubling my points with respect to my prelims. Fuck it, that was what i told myself when Mrs Chung handed me the result slip, as I was throughly convinced that I didn't see sufficient A1s on the orange paper. Nobody knew how i felt, as i was used to keeping feelings to myself.
Now on to the brief spell i had at VJC. To be frank once again, that wasn't where i wanted to go initially, it was because of my friends that i had chosen that place. No offence to any VJCians, as the whole lot of you are definitely superior to those in AJC, whether in terms of character or intelligence or emotional intelligence.
After the first 3 weeks in VJC, I began thinking whether i was cut out for this place, or whether i could stay in this place. Never did I ever talked about my prelim results to my classmates. All i did was to skip lectures and attend tutorials. I attended school, should i use the word 'attend'?, without going for any lectures or tutorials.
Yes, with my pedigree, I managed and could keep up with the rest.
Also, I was quite happy or at least I smiled when my classmates openly admitted that i was in fact more capable than them, in the various aspects.
Now as i reflected, why did i feel happy when they said that. It was an insult to myself in disguise, that was not the reason why they said that, but it was infact a reminder or crudely put, an insult coming from the one above us.
Then, i did not feel the slightest agony or pain for not being able to stay at VJC, until i got to AJC. Such a loser isn't it.
These were all the things i remembered form my time in VJC, apart from the time that we had always spent at the tree houses.
Let memories be memories.
What are the things that i value? haha. what is the yardstick/ criteria/gauge???
To my links on this very blog. I believe its time to remove some. Some that i do not truly value or have certain regards. I think that is closer to my way of doing things as a person. For those that i remove, its not that you failed as a person. However, its that a loser like me isn't fit to have relations of any sort with you.
Gone were my secondary years.
I must admit that i have fallen in my standards after i ended my time with the Catholic High Debating Team. But this isn't relevant. Hahah.
No guarantee for a hardworking marvin in the future, but at least you have a marvin with his thoughts sorted out. Rejoice my friends!!!
If you had taken time off to read through ALL these, it would only make my love for you even greater, my bond with you even stronger. Or if you managed to comprehend all these, congratulations, you are at least at my frequency, if not higher. If you knew all these even before you read this, i guess you are good enough to be my spouse. ( Disclaimer: No guarantee, because I know ONE, who well knew all these before this entry, and he is a GUY).
Listen to the song I have prepared for you on this very blog. Also , listen to 'no promises' by shayne ward.